…but what of those times your wife abandons you for an extended period – three, five, seven days, perhaps longer? Most of us can feed and clean ourselves in a crude fashion, but a week of living alone in a typical home will require more self-maintenance than that.
Domestic maintenance tips
Gentlemen, on those rare occasions your wife goes on a week-long vacation and you are left home alone, you must accept a harsh reality: you are in charge of housework. Not just carrying out instructions to do the minor and uncomplicated chores of the cohabited home, but taking responsibility for all aspects of domestic maintenance from assessment to planning to visualization to execution. This is a frightening and intimidating situation for us, and so after a recent eight-day bout of faux bachelorhood I have jotted down several helpful suggestions for other men who may find themselves in this predicament.
Reading this, you protest that you frequently do household chores. Well, yes, you probably wash the car and mow the lawn and trim the shrubbery and may even sweep off the porch and deck once in a while, but you need to do a bit of soul searching and admit that you seldom take part in any of the truly important duties such as cooking, cleaning, vacuuming, laundering, and of course the much-dreaded bathroom scrubbing. Outside the house we are as valuable and skilled as a 19th century Russian serf, but inside we are little more than clumsy gorillas in a gilded cage.